The diary of a hipster kid.

Heeeeey bloggy peeps. Great to see that some people are interested in reading about my life in Norway - Extra massive respect to the reader in Kyrgyzstan - I have no idea why you would want to read this, but you are more than welcome. 

So this post is split into a few segments, much like a Terry's chocolate orange, as it takes a while to write it all and put the pics in etc. I will probably go on like this, otherwise I'll be constantly sharing "blog done" on Facebook and annoy people more than those posts that say "Most amazing thing you'll see all day" or "You've been doing these 17 things wrong your whole life". Enjoy.

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Decided against continuing with Rollon F.C, despite the lure of playing with the big guy, Jon Arne. They train 3 times a week and play twice. Thats one game and two training sessions too many for my liking. The gaffer told me that they are starting a second team later in the year that will be less serious so I'll hold out until then. I've also not paid any tax yet - I'm not an illegal immigrant, just an immigrant - I just haven't been paid yet due to the length of time it takes to get a D-number from the tax office. This means that I wouldn't be entitled to free health-care and I imagine that treatment for a broken ankle would a liiiiittle more expensive than a pint...(11 quid-ish). Incidentally, I do actually have a D number now, but all the paperwork hasn't reached me by carrier pigeon yet. This means I cant get a bank account to get paid and therefore pay tax. But this should all be sorted soon.

Work-wise I've been at Tante Bruun for a few days a week, smashing out coffees and even got myself in the kitchen to make smoothies. I went for a super (pretentious) green bad-boy with avocado, spinach and green tea. Sounds horrible but once I added shit tons of honey it actually tasted rather splendid.  I'm really enjoying working at a cafe - it's relatively stress free, social and the staff are a team of young and trendy trendsters lead by an entrepreneurial power-mum. It is exciting to be part of something that moves with the times and I reckon I'll learn a lot from the boss for future business shiz. Also, having a contract allows me to apply for a personal number which will officially make me an unofficial nordmann...every step counts.

I managed to get myself a meeting with Ålesund International School. I called up and let them know that I was here (the education secretary in England obviously hadn't gotten round to informing them of my presence) and it just so happened that their P.E teacher was going away this month for a couple of weeks and they needed cover. Bosh. I start on Thursday and after having a look round and meeting some the staff, I can not wait. All the instruction is in English, thank feck, and the teaching groups are around 6-8 per class. They also have students from age 6-15 so I'll get to a bit of primary teaching - it's been a while since I've worked with kids that age and I have missed it - you can be way more stupid with the younger ones, acting like a massive arse without them being 'too cool' and embarrassed like the older ones. It doesn't seem like the place where I'll be called a fucking prick at least three times a lesson, which will also be a welcome break. 

So, with the first couple of weeks of September being relatively quiet for me, I dived in and bought Destiny 2 on the PS4. It is super-sick. With the amount of aliens I've battered this week it wouldn't be a surprise if someone mistook me for Will Smith or Sigourney Weaver. As we finally have internet (long and boring story) I can now play online and meet up with fellow n00b-dw33b, Brett, who recently moved to America with his fam, and will soon be escaping the clutches of He Who Must Not Be Named-Because-I'm-Sick-Of-His-Name and moving to Canada. On the space theme, I'm also reading Dune - an old epic sci-fi novel that really is awesome. It is all getting a bit space heavy at the moment though, so I'll soon mix it up. Did you know that Katie Price has 4 autobiographies? 

Q: What film is that? A: its actually not a film, its actually Destiny 2 

We had our belated house warming party last weekend. The house was already quite warm - we've had the old log burner going on a few occasions - but it was lovely to have the peeps over. It was female heavy, with there only being two penises in the room. The other penis, namely Daniel, thought it was a good idea to bring some chili alcohol. The stronger bottle contained Carolina Reaper and nearly took my face off. I had to tuck into some Biola (liquid yogurt) before I broke down into a pile of tears and sweat. Stine, feeling brave after a couple of vinos decided she'd have a go. Not quite understanding that it was the heat that was strong, not the alcohol content, she had half a shot. Now, bear in mind that Stine opts for 'mild' taco spice and has never even tried Chille con Carne because it contains the word Chilli. Surprisingly, she took it well. Much better than I did. I'm still hard though. We all went out to Molo which is a new bar/brewery. The decor has a "straight out of Shoreditch" kind of vibe, complete with shuffleboard tables. Sadly, the tables were occupied so will have to wait for next time to achieve Ålesund-shuffleboard-champion status.

Due to my age, I am still tired three days on. 

The view from the bus-stop. It's no Tesco Express, but it will do.

I am concerned that this post is a little dry, so I thought I'd ignite it with a fascinating story about recycling. After the party, I took all the empty bottles and cans down to Kiwi (shop). They have this machine next to the entrance called Pant. You feed it bottles and cans and it takes them via a conveyor belt into some magical recycling land on the other side -  clusters of free-range coke cans frolicking in a field while wine bottles sit and play degradable Uno at a sustainably-sourced table on a solar powered veranda. In return for your bottle generosity, you can either choose to receive a gift receipt to use in the shop, or take a punt at the pant lottery. I wanted to do both, so after the first can went in, I lottery'd it. The rest I claimed money which came to about 2 quid. When I got home, I showed Stine the lottery ticket and she explained to me that I didn't win. I will, of course, keep you all updated on future pant adventures.

Pant

Fun times at the organic arcade.

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It is now Friday evening, and I have now received my D-number, opened a bank account and got bus card. Being a bus-wanker isn't as bad as one might think and there are some subtle differences between public transport in Norway to back in the U.K. As far as I'm aware, if a bus driver in the U.K sees you at the stop, stood by the edge of the road, pulling your bus card from your wallet, they would pull over. Not in Norway, baby. The guy made to pull over then just pulled away again, leaving me stood there like a right prince. Since that occasion, I have used my umbrella as a clear signal of intent which seems to be working. Umbrellas also double up as a water repellent during unwanted rainy spells.  There are some unwritten rules (that have been written in a book) about Norwegians and seating. They do NOT like to sit next to one another on public transport or benches or whatever unless you are very good friends/family. I quite like this rule, as there is no risk of having someone plonk themselves down next to you even though you've strategically placed your bag, jacket and umbrella on the seat next to you. It does mean, however, that I have found myself standing several times even though the bus is literally half full. Below is an image taken from The Social Guidebook to Norway by Julien S. Bourrelle - (I felt the need to reference this guy, mainly for copyright reasons but also because the book is awesome). It was a gift from Mari-Ann and Ole, Stine's foster parents, and I read it a while back. It's only now, having lived here for over a month, that it starts to make perfect sense. For example, you can eat in silence and leave work without saying goodbye - No one gives a shit! I will probably reference the book again whenever I notice something that fits. 

Full.

Wouldn't let him on a bus

Today I finished my second day at Aalesund International School (the letter Å was introduced around 1920, so sometimes Aa is used for things that predate the letter...not in this case, though - this is for internet reasons.) As I guessed, it is a completely different challenge to The Centre school. Instead of spending 45 minutes trying to get the students to listen to a word you're saying, pick up a pen, put the phone away, stop hitting him, come back in the room, dont throw the chair etc. I spend 45 minutes asking them not to constantly shout out the correct answer, slow down, stop asking so many interesting questions and not to cry if you are the last person to have a go at an activity. Today, I was covering language acquisition, which basically meant teaching English to very young children who don't speak English. It serves as a good opportunity to use my Norwegian lingo as an anchor, and I've made deals with a few students to teach them English as long as they teach me Norwegian. At least I think that's what the deal was, I could well have been outsmarted. I'm covering the P.E teacher for the next two weeks, and if its anything like the first few days, I'm in for an enjoyable time. 

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So that is that... I shall be back with another blog when I have enough interesting things to write about. For now, though, I shall leave you with this image of some thought-provoking Norwegian 'graffiti'. Ha det.